Ransom Rants (hopefully more amusing than serious)

I

ian

New Member
Just little post to put up random rants about the gym.
I thought it would be funny to see if everyone else has the same problems or could perhaps offer the odd solution?

So I’ll start with a few gripes…..

• I hate it when I want to use a weight/ machine - lets say the dipping bars and it’s in use by someone that doesn’t understand the laws of the gym! Instead of asking you to join in between sets they simply tell you they have just started and proceed to do there sets…. Then to top it off, despite the fact that it’s there first trip to the gym, they appear to be the world stamina dipping champion and carry out 11months of dips until the gym closes for christmas!!!

• I hate it when BMI rears it’s ugly head!!! Even though I go to the gym everyday and have a low (ish) body fat, because I carry a bit of muscle and I’m only 5”8, my BMI is about 2 million!!! Which means I’m clinically obese with a 6 pack (ish). While the four people on my desk spend there days eating cakes and drinking pints are all 6” plus, and therefore the BMI’s are all good!!!

• I hate it when I go to buy work trousers, and even though my legs aren’t particularly big, if I buy anything under a 38 inch waist, they're that tight on my quads that I look like I’m wearing a pair of lycra pants!!! All I need is a cape and I’m ready to star as new spiderman villan, ‘evil office worker’!!!
• Add to that the fact I’ve got a 32 inch waist and have to hold it all together with a belt and i look like I’m wearing my dads pants
• Or buying a shirt, because I’ve got a set of arms and a chest I have to buy extra large shirts which, and as of my lack of height means I can tuck them into my socks!!!

• I hate it when you ask someone to spot you and they either…..
1. Treat it as there own set and deadlift your bench bar, leaving you to just lay back and check out their nasal hair
2. Say ok, and then walk off leaving you crushed under your squat bar
3. and worst of all, if they’re new to the gym and have heard you and your normal training buds shouting encouragement at each other such as ‘come on you F£$%”£$%”!£%$”£$’ . So they try to join in by whispering (in a voice which echoes their lack of confidence and full awareness that they sound a fool) dealy seriously, something along the lines of ‘reach for the stars’ and you have to prevent yourself from laughing/ crying.

Anyone else fancy joining in /sympathising with me???
 
I agree about the clothes...its annoying that all clothes (in america anyway) seem to be built for fatasses with no muscle!!!
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Shirts are always small on the neck and shoulders, but have a huge belly area...WTF? And my jeans are all tight in the thigh areas also, I am going to have to buy the big pants that are too big for the waist soon also.
I really don't want to spend money on custom cut clothes, so I just wear the closest clothes that fit like you have. It really is annoying (and sad) that off-the-shelf clothes only cater to your average fat weaklings since they are the majority nowadays.
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Yeah, my shirts are up to XXL these days, but most of them hang like all hell off of my chest! I am getting into the habit of tucking my shirts in more and more.

Second the statements of BMI, and I will go even further. It annoys me that the show, The Biggest Loser, measures their success in overall weight loss. They should throw them in a tank of water and hydro-static weigh them to get their body fat percentage, and either measure the change in that and/or the change in the amount of fat they have on their body.
 
What annoys me is people who try to talk about weight lifting but clearly don't do it.

HIM: "Hey, so you work out huh?"

ME: "Yup"

HIM: "How much do you bench?"

Who cares about benching?? Why is it, when someone sees that you look like you workout, they always go straight to asking about bench? Probably because that is the only lift they know? If I said squat, deadlift or even rowing, they'd probably look at me all puzzled.


HIM: "I used to bench 400 when I was in high school."

ME: "Wow, I guess that explains why you look like total crap."

It's funny how everyone who used to workout in high school was one of the strongest teenagers on the entire planet, yet now they don't even look like they've even touched a barbell in their lives.


Another classic:

Random Moron: "Well my uncle, who was in prison, can bench 600 lbs for reps."
This is just the most retarded thing that people ever say. If you are going to make crap up, at least make it believable. Your uncle does not bench 600 lbs, raw, for reps. I would be surprised if he could bench 300 lbs for a single. I can believe the 'in prison' part though, judging by how much of a tard you are.
 
hahahaha, i love that totentanz!!!

or random old fat people tucking into their junk food and telling you 'when i was your age i used to look like you'

and i seriously hate the bench comment!!! Mainly because i don't bench because it does nothing for my chest and i have to start explaining to people that i find dumb bells better when all they want to here is 'yeah 2000k for reps!!!'
 
And those guys who stand in the squat rack to do their 55 sets of 105 reps, uh, swings of bicep curls? Each rep is done in under a second with 1/2 pound on each side of the barbell and rest intervals of up to 5 seconds before the next quick-as-lightening rep is done. Good Lord, how can people be so retarded?
Or the guy who bounces the weight off his chest, and when you ask why he does such crap, he replies, "To make the last reps easier", aw puh-leeze, gimme a break.
Not to forget the spotters at my gym who grab the bar before you can even put your hands on it. Cruel world, sigh!
 
I'm amused by the guys (who were talking to Tot...) who get to talking fitness or BB with you and say something like "I'm planning on.." or "I'm about to.." or "I've been thinking about getting back into it..."
My standard answer: "If you were thinking of doing it, you'd have done it."
 
Totz, you meet some interesting people. I must get out more.
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Not so much a gym thing but one of the things other folks say that bugs me is "All that muscle will just turn to fat when you stop." I can't believe people still think that and I just can't be bothered to explain why it won't anymore so I just say "Yeah, I know."

One thing that got my goat when I used to go to the gym was the chap who insisted on doing umpteen squat jumps in the squat rack! I am not kidding. I had to sit and wait for him to finish before I could get in there and actually use the bar. It was actually pretty funny to watch because he had a stoopid haircut that was the same length all over which flopped up and down like a floor mop as he bounced about.

Sometimes I miss the gym.
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<div>
(scientific muscle @ Jan. 30 2008,21:37)</div><div id="QUOTEHEAD">QUOTE</div><div id="QUOTE">Yeah, almost every guy I know says they could bench 500 in high school.
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That's it bro? Dude, I, like, benched over 600 man!

Realistically, I don't think I could have benched 115 lbs in high school. I remember when I started lifting several years ago, and those 45 lb plates were daunting!
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heavy weight quarter-squatter tells me I'll blow my knees out doing full squats...almost puts me in a felonious mood.
 
<div>
(Lol @ Jan. 30 2008,22:37)</div><div id="QUOTEHEAD">QUOTE</div><div id="QUOTE">&quot;All that muscle will just turn to fat when you stop.&quot; I can't believe people still think that and I just can't be bothered to explain why it won't anymore so I just say &quot;Yeah, I know.&quot;</div>
The owner (!?!?) of the gym I go to really believes and tries to convince people that the more ab crunches you do, the less fat you will have on your stomach. He is absolutely convinced that body fat is nothing more than &quot;loose&quot; muscle tissue that you can tighten up by lifting weights. I know this sounds like a joke, but unfortunately, it's a cruel, cruel fact.
 
Oooooooo I’ve got another one…..


When you see a gang of a few lads and one of them has appointed himself personal trainer to the rest as he’s been to the gym twice as opposed to their once. He proceeds to make up the biggest load of rubbish in an attempt to show off ever….
I remember being in the gym and I heard one of the gang ask the leader what exactly the lat pulldown was for, ‘makes your chest massive, get a really good stretch and wide chest’ was his reply!

Or when people start making up exercises to echo what equipment in the gym already has. The amount of people I’ve seen put one end of a barbell into a corner and weights on the other end and awkwardly try to pull of a t-bar row, when the gym has exactly that machine just 6 foot away!!!
 
<div>
(Martin Levac @ Jan. 31 2008,14:04)</div><div id="QUOTEHEAD">QUOTE</div><div id="QUOTE">They all want to become complex machinery operators.</div>
Thank you very much Mr. Roboto!
 
<div>
(colby2152 @ Jan. 31 2008,14:58)</div><div id="QUOTEHEAD">QUOTE</div><div id="QUOTE"><div>
(Martin Levac @ Jan. 31 2008,14:04)</div><div id="QUOTEHEAD">QUOTE</div><div id="QUOTE">They all want to become complex machinery operators.</div>
Thank you very much Mr. Roboto!</div>
I see from your reply that I must explain my statement above.

The great majority of gym goers use machines. Thus, they all want to become complex machinery operators.
 
<div>
(Martin Levac @ Jan. 31 2008,15:23)</div><div id="QUOTEHEAD">QUOTE</div><div id="QUOTE">The great majority of gym goers use machines. Thus, they all want to become complex machinery operators.</div>
I understood what you said Martin. It was a popular rock song a couple decades ago in the states. Oh, Styx, how I jam to yee!
 
once a week, I'll do some russian twists using a barbell in a corner...  

admittedly, a person has to be careful not to tear up the corner.  lest gym mgmt grow angry and ban the practice.


link:  http://www.mensfitness.com/fitness/strength_training/165
 
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